I accidentally had phone sex last night
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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