Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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