I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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