Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
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