i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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