Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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