I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
