come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
