If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
