It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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