did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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