My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
