what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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