Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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