We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
