I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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