So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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