mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
me + whiskey = a bad person
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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