My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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