ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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