"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
