Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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