I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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