I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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