so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
