wrigley field is MILF paradise
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
