i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
