your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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