i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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