I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
