Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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