just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
