Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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