I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You did what with his pubic hair?
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