omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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