Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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