I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
