I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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