Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
