dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
smell my finger.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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