well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
