Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
