the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
