You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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