I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
