I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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