I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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