My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
