Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How does it feel to date your dad?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
