You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
