It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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