So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
