Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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