well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
