Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
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she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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