So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
