She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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