Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
