We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She said her name was "party"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
