it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
