how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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