Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
