Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
