Nicole vs. Life
I'm jealous of your bromance
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
