I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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