I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
