I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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