Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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