i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
