i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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