And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
