all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
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Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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