for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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