So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
