pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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