the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She's the barista slut.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
